tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27709917630198579492024-02-07T23:29:09.782-07:00Diary of a 29 year oldSo I decided to write something everyday for my last year of my 20's. Welcome to me, unplugged.Joycehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03963176235519707606noreply@blogger.comBlogger332125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770991763019857949.post-45608568525942652222012-12-05T00:29:00.000-07:002012-12-05T00:29:07.769-07:00Just something I found. <div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I know it's been a while. I haven't posted anything on here for a long while because, well, I am not 29. With all of that aside I wanted to post something that I found. I guess I just wanted a place that I can find it again in case I want to send it to someone.<br />
<br />
<span style="min-height: 50px;">When yesterdays gone and can't be replaced,<br />when all that you see are the tears on her face,<br />maybe then you'll realize the extent of your mistakes<br />and be willing to do anything that it's going to take.<br /><br />when its almost too late<br />only minutes to spare<br />maybe then you can explain<br />why you haven't been there<br /><br />when she looks back and remembers who was there,<br />and also who wasn't but doesn't </span><span style="min-height: 50px;"><span style="min-height: 50px;"></span>even care,<br />maybe then you'll think twice about what you do,<br />and everything that you put her through<br /><br />when she's standing before you all grown,<br />maybe then you can admit that she's your own,<br />and you can show her a daddy's love<br />that yourself, isn't all you ever think of.<br /><br />when she finally gets to know you<br /> pigs will fly and monkeys too,<br />cause that's the likelihood you'll follow through.</span></div>
Joycehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03963176235519707606noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770991763019857949.post-42828404620201393052012-06-29T01:43:00.003-06:002012-06-29T01:43:56.923-06:00detour.<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I have started a new blog for myself. If you like what you have read go here<br />
<a href="http://www.diaryofasinglemom30.blogspot.com/">www.diaryofasinglemom30.blogspot.com</a><br />
hope you enjoy.</div>Joycehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03963176235519707606noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770991763019857949.post-26424386937433651772012-01-14T23:55:00.000-07:002012-01-14T23:55:36.977-07:00UPDATE!!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">So, I miss you a little. I'm not gonna lie, but I am glad I no longer have the guilty feeling of not posting something when I feel like I have to. I thought I would have posted more on my new blog but I haven't. I have been busy with my sweet little baby. It amazes me how much you can love someone instantly, and how much love can grow. I have been adjusting well, I think, to new mommy-hood. She is not yet sleeping through the night and is currently mixing up night and day. It's not too bad, being sleep deprived, I just make sure I have a full supply of french vanilla creamer for my coffee when I am dragging ass. Work has been pretty easy on me. It was a little hard to transition from maternity leave but I managed.<br />
<br />
**baby daddy update**<br />
Ok, for all of you that didn't know, I am a single mother of 3 children. When I started this little bloggy thing, I was a single mom of 2 boys. Anywho, I was seeing a guy and ended up pregnant!! Crazy, I know! I knew when I met him he was trouble. It turned out my gut feelings about him were right. He found out through a mutual "friend" that I was pregnant. I tried multiple time to contact him and got nothing. It has almost been a year since I have seen this guy/douchbag and not a single word from him. We are facebook friends, oddly enough, and I get to see his status updates and such. I know he has a new girlfriend but I am now at the point that I don't care about anything that he does. I am in the process of filing for child support. I did a DNA test right after Christmas and now I'm just waiting for the results. I don't know if anything will change after the results come back that she is his. I don't know if I should reach out and try to contact him, for Leila's sake. She has 1 brother and 3 sisters from him and I would like her to get to know them, but I don't think that it is my place to make that happen. I will probably just wait and see if he/sperm donor, tries to contact me. Who knows, its just a waiting game I guess. It seems like I have been waiting for all of this forever!!</div>Joycehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03963176235519707606noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770991763019857949.post-8820032310061247452011-11-07T16:16:00.000-07:002011-11-07T16:16:07.954-07:00New beginnings.<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">I have decided that this will probably be my last post on this blog. I need to make a new one for the new chapter that my life has begun. I am not going to be posting daily, cause we know how that turned out. I just need to think up a name that I like for my new blog. I like having a place to tell my story and sort out my thoughts. When I think of a title for my new blog I will post a link. </div>Joycehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03963176235519707606noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770991763019857949.post-4574905441663143332011-10-28T01:34:00.000-06:002011-10-28T01:34:41.724-06:00Induction day!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">So I am scheduled to be induced today! I am so tired, I just wish I had a day or two to catch up on some sleep. I have not been sleeping well these past few days. I could probably sleep now, but I have to be up at 4am and call labor and delivery. I am a little nervous but excited at the same time. I seemed to have went through a thousand emotions today. I cried because I realized that I was home by myself for the last time today. The boys were at school and I had time to myself. I won't be getting that for a while. I am just hoping, and praying that everything goes smoothly. I am feeling a little antsy. I suppose that is to be expected. I guess most of all is I am excited to see my little girls face. </div>Joycehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03963176235519707606noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770991763019857949.post-36035738882700630482011-10-23T01:28:00.000-06:002011-10-23T01:28:01.809-06:00I'm 30 now!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">It is official! I am a thirty year old woman. I don't feel any different. I feel large and pregnant! I suppose all this pregnancy stuff took my mind off of being another year older.<br />
<br />
I have to say my birthday was a toughie. This whole week has been a trying one. I got bad news on my birthday that my children's babysitter passed away. It was so out of left field. It seemed to happen so fast. I was really emotional and still am a bit. She was an older lady (63) but I never thought she would pass. She has been a part of me and my kids' lives for about 5 years. I know a lot of her family because I was told about her through her sister in law, which is also my boss. I haven't told my children about her passing yet. I did tell them that she was sick. I don't want them to see me emotional. I remember the effect it had on me when I first saw my mom cry. But I know we will remember the good times about Patty. She sure had one hell of a personality.<br />
<br />
Ok, enough of that. I don't really know if I am going to change to a different blog or not. I am still undecided about that. So I guess I will just post stuff here until I get a little more organized. This little one should be here in about a week or so. So much going on in my life. It's crazy to think where I was this time last year..... Wow what a difference a year makes. </div>Joycehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03963176235519707606noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770991763019857949.post-90282493061362314102011-10-19T01:20:00.000-06:002011-10-19T01:20:22.311-06:001 more day...<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">So today I will spend the last day of my 20's seeing my baby girls face on the ultrasound machine. I am happy for that, I am also a little sad. No big celebration planned for my birthday. I have a doctor's appointment that day, I just hope I don't have to give birth that day. I know that it may sound selfish but I don't want to share my birthday. I just don't want to be sad on my birthday. I know a pity party isn't the kind I need. I am not even sad to say goodbye to my twenties. I am ready to be in my 30's. I just wish I could go out and be carefree and not have all of the uncomfortable feelings and feeling like my baby could be here anytime. I don't know what I am going to do with the blog just yet. I kind of forgot about it....(sorry) I have been preoccupied with pregnancy. If you ever wanted to take your mind off of turning 30 just be massively pregnant during the time. I would like to say that I do want to continue to make posts. I love having the ability to just put down all my feelings and worries. I don't worry that anyone will judge me anymore. I like having worked towards that. </div>Joycehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03963176235519707606noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770991763019857949.post-86910343242400616992011-10-10T00:09:00.000-06:002011-10-10T00:09:37.143-06:00Pre-labor is so much fun.<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">I just need to vent. I have a million and one things to complain about. My back hurts, I go to the bathroom constantly, I have these stupid contractions after working a couple of hours! I worked all day today and it sucked. I am constantly worried about going into labor at work. I just need a little rest. I can't wait to feel like my normal self again. I know I am having some fears about not knowing if I am in labor, but I am sure that I will. </div>Joycehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03963176235519707606noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770991763019857949.post-54468533185255538232011-10-07T02:31:00.000-06:002011-10-07T02:31:15.992-06:00I've been taking it easy.<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">I had a long day of antenatal testing, and almost thought that they would be sending me to the hospital. I guess my little bun decided to behave and she got her heart rate right where it was suppose to be. I was still on the verge of freaking out, and still am a little. I think I am mostly just worried about working and not being able to rest when I need to. I should have gotten a doctors note. I expect to have a busy weekend with the Pow Wow in town. I just hope they don't give me any grief or I might have to freak out. I know I just need to sit back a relax, believe me I am trying. I got a lot of sleep today! I pretty much slept the day away. Oh well. I just hope work goes ok tomorrow.</div>Joycehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03963176235519707606noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770991763019857949.post-50055818953188409592011-10-02T02:11:00.000-06:002011-10-02T02:11:59.799-06:00I'm fixing my nest.<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">I think it has finally kicked in, my nesting that is. I just got done watching hoarders and it made me want to clean so bad. I actually had to pause the episode and do a sink full of dishes and throw a giant bag of clutter away. I organized my medicine cabinet and have been going through some of my things that I think I can throw away. Only question is now how am I going to get all of this out of my house. I guess one bag at a time will do. I worked until my hips started to ache. I have the next week without my sons and I hope to get a lot done. I know I will feel so much better once it gets done. I am just glad that it started to kick in. I don't want to have to worry about clutter when I have a newborn in the house. I just hope I can keep this up. I know I can. </div>Joycehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03963176235519707606noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770991763019857949.post-32584514848949171532011-09-29T23:54:00.000-06:002011-09-29T23:54:35.014-06:00Another day...<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">Just another day in the life of me. I didn't do much of anything but hang with the kids and work. I am so ready for the weekend. I think I will try to get motivated, ha good luck with that one. Nothing new here to tell. Just another boring day. Same old stuff here.</div>Joycehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03963176235519707606noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770991763019857949.post-36245796633854235262011-09-28T21:57:00.000-06:002011-09-28T21:57:29.795-06:00What is this feeling.<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">I guess I am sick of feeling crappy. I guess you can blame mood swings for this, I now have this "dreamy" sort of feeling. Maybe it's the country music that makes me feel this way. I don't know if that is the right description of my feelings. I guess there is a thing about country music that gets to me.<br />
<br />
Today was a decent day, besides my sleep catching up to me and being late to get the kids to school. I felt bad, but then again I didn't. I know that I am very pregnant and I need my rest. It doesn't happen often so I gave myself a little slack. I spent a nice day with the kids. It felt good to help them with their homework and let them play. We all ate some good supper together and then had some pudding for desert. It was nice. I didn't feel very well but I enjoyed the time. I am looking forward to working during the day tomorrow as well. </div>Joycehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03963176235519707606noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770991763019857949.post-23165403042365727122011-09-27T23:56:00.000-06:002011-09-27T23:56:47.856-06:00All I can do is try.<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">I am feeling a little down. I don't know if its from lack of sleep, or what. I am just feeling so defeated and tired. I need some rest, like a weeks worth. It just seems like I am constantly needing to think about something. If its not about what needs to be done around the house, it's something I need to do with assistance. I always have to think about the food I put in my body. I have to think about money and where I spend it. I am always thinking about my 2 boys, and their school work. I constantly think about weather I am making the right choices as a parent. I think about my daughter's father. I think about why he doesn't think about me and our baby. I just need a break. But, the point is, all I can do is try. I just need to remind myself that no one is perfect. I WILL make mistakes, and I WILL learn from them. I just gotta give all my love and energy to my kids. </div>Joycehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03963176235519707606noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770991763019857949.post-56708592855414310312011-09-26T22:43:00.000-06:002011-09-26T22:43:56.706-06:00Going to bed early...I hope<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">I'm fighting sleep by watching Dancing With The Stars. I should be laying down right now and trying to sleep. I have been so tired and so drained all day long. I really wanted to get some stuff done, well I did do a few things, but I really wanted to get super motivated. I guess it will come to me when it's meant to be. I just feel like there is so much to be done and so few days to do it all. I guess that comes with my position. I am not whining but it takes a lot of effort to move this body these days. I am ready to sleep this day off and try it again tomorrow. </div>Joycehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03963176235519707606noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770991763019857949.post-69242770527225023732011-09-25T01:30:00.000-06:002011-09-25T01:30:26.426-06:00Geez I missed 5 days.<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">I've got to say that I haven't felt like posting lately. I don't know why, I just haven't been in the mood. I have been doing things and such and just haven't gotten the urge or feeling to write anything. I am feeling mighty prego these days. I know I don't need to hand out excuses because I need to do what I got to do. I just looked at when I posted last, and felt a little guilty.<br />
<br />
I do have to say that I am absolutely in love with the new pictures of my baby girl. Yes, I am for sure having a girl. I printed off more then a dozen of the pictures my doc gave to me. She couldn't stop taking them! I was so amazing to see her face, I even got to see a tiny smile. I am so in love with my little one. I carry around my ultrasound pics to show off to anyone that will look. I just can't wait to see her. It's an amazing feeling. </div>Joycehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03963176235519707606noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770991763019857949.post-5241866425788653432011-09-20T01:03:00.000-06:002011-09-20T01:03:05.772-06:00One More Month!!!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">I can't believe that I only have one more month left in my 20's. I am going to have to go through all my posts and read them sometime. I want to see how much things have changed. I know a lot has changed in a year and I never thought that I would be expecting my 3 child a year ago. Without looking back at my first post, I know that it was a little alcohol infused. I know that is not the way it will end. Ha ha! Oh man, I am beat. My hair hurts, and I need some sleep.</div>Joycehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03963176235519707606noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770991763019857949.post-55027659587590411582011-09-17T01:02:00.000-06:002011-09-17T01:02:06.495-06:00Piss poor excuses.<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">This isn't just about me making excuses to why I haven't been posting every day. I think if you have read previous posts of mine you would know that I have legit reasons to missing days here and there. I have a lot going on right now and things to figure out. I need to stop making excuses for some things in my life. I need to find a job that is not only financially beneficial, but one that lets me spend time with my children. I know that I seem to be putting work ahead of them, and their education, but I just can't help but feel that rent money comes first. I can't just leave us with no place to live of our own. I am taking the steps that I can to live somewhere that is income based. I feel like once I have that set into place I won't feel like I can't ask for what I want. Maybe I just need a change. </div>Joycehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03963176235519707606noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770991763019857949.post-9970204439088186342011-09-14T23:44:00.000-06:002011-09-14T23:44:44.686-06:00Watch this, watch that.<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">So today begins the first day of diabetic control. I have been meticulously counting carbohydrates and measuring portion sizes. It is really a lot easier then I thought it would be. I still get to eat really good foods, just not as much of it as I might want. I hope this all turns out well. I am really putting forth an effort here, so far. I just hope I can stick with it. A small road block is that I'm sick a little. I woke up with the worst sore throat. I think I got it under control with some good rest and some hot tea. I just need a little more rest. I'm off to get some rest.</div>Joycehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03963176235519707606noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770991763019857949.post-64000634582551575752011-09-12T19:24:00.000-06:002011-09-12T19:24:40.342-06:0038 more days.<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">It's hard to believe that there are only 38 days left of my 20's. I am ready to hit 30 and have my 20's behind me. I am ready for this new chapter in my life, and ready to give it my all. No more childish crap (yeah right) and now it is time to be a real "grown up!" I have high expectation for my 30's. The last ten years of my life have been about learning lessons. Now it is time to put what I know to use. The pressure is on.</div>Joycehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03963176235519707606noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770991763019857949.post-41254009772287488022011-09-11T23:22:00.000-06:002011-09-11T23:22:27.953-06:00I didn't quit.<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">I have been away for a few days because there was an issue with the cable company. Arg... But all is situated now. I guess they had a glitch in their payment system and now it is fixed. I hate cable companies.<br />
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Well well, my baby shower is tonight, in about an hour or so. I am about to get ready for it so this one will be short. I am not to fond of being the center of attention but tonight I will give it a try. </div>Joycehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03963176235519707606noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770991763019857949.post-76863235831082275892011-09-07T02:02:00.001-06:002011-09-07T02:02:55.604-06:00Everything went well.<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Today was my son's dental surgery. It went surprisingly smooth. I had a unexpected support system by my side, but it turned out to be nice. I was joined by my son's dad and his mother. I didn't expect them to come, but they did, and I was grateful. My boy did extremely well, and the surgery center was amazing with him, and with me. I was just so glad that I didn't break down and bawl my eyes out.</div>
Joycehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03963176235519707606noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770991763019857949.post-1414266935145993612011-09-05T21:10:00.001-06:002011-09-05T21:10:40.223-06:00Happy Labor Day!! Now get to work.<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Another long work day for me. Another Labor day full of work! I am tired and hungry now. I feel like going to bed already. I have a tough day ahead of me tomorrow. My oldest son has dental surgery tomorrow and I am already feeling really emotional about the whole thing. I know he will be fine, but a mom worries. I just hope I am not an emotional wreck tomorrow. I gotta be strong for my son. I have got to teach him to be brave. Everything will be ok...</div>
Joycehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03963176235519707606noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770991763019857949.post-27597942278319336542011-09-04T19:32:00.003-06:002011-09-04T19:32:39.943-06:00Gone again.<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
These are getting farther between and that is not my intention at all. I can't really say I am surprised because I knew that there would be a lot going on in my life. I am just coasting right through and trying to do my best of all the situations that I am faced with. I figure if I put my kids and family first then I can't go wrong. I just want happy, healthy children. I think we all know how that feels.<br />
<br />
I am so tired right now, a nap sounds good. I should do a couple of things before I lay down, but I don't wanna. I just want to nap. It is Sunday, it's my right to nap. I don't have any plans, as of yet, for Labor day. I just plan on working. Oh gee wiz I am tired. </div>
Joycehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03963176235519707606noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770991763019857949.post-57273585464923595442011-09-01T01:33:00.000-06:002011-09-01T01:33:51.069-06:00busy and crap<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">So I have already had a long week. I have been going through some stuff, nothing really major, but semi major. My oldest son has to have dental surgery next week, I found that out on Monday. I also found out that I have gestational diabetes. It was kind of a lot to take in, in two days. I have just been dealing with it. Neither things are really life threatening and I am more worried about my son going under anesthesia. I have never had to and I am a little freaked out by the fact. I guess I am just glad that he will have all the dental work needed done, done and over with. He doesn't seem scared at all. I guess I am just really emotional about it. I just hope I don't sit there and cry the whole time. I need to be the strong one but it seems like he is doing that for the both of us. Ugh...I really just don't want to think about it right now. That is why I have missed a few days. </div>Joycehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03963176235519707606noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770991763019857949.post-47194788243727402402011-08-29T01:22:00.000-06:002011-08-29T01:22:47.245-06:00Riding the emo coaster.<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">I'll be honest, I haven't felt like posting the last couple of days. I guess out of pure laziness, or something. I seem to be riding an emotional roller coaster today. I was super bitchy at work today, and I think I got easily frustrated with my boys. I hate feeling guilty about getting strict with them but I don't want to be a pushover. I totally understand my parents pain when trying to get me back on a schedule for school. I just yelled at my son for the 5th time to get back to bed. I'm starting to get really emotional about things. I feel like I'm a bad mom when I yell at them, sometimes I just don't know what to do, which makes me feel even worse. I should know what to do because I am their mom. I sure hope this passes because I know I am a good mom. I may have a short temper, but I try to control it and talk sternly but not yelling, because I know I hate it when people yell at me. I think this is just the back to school schedule change. I am really not looking forward to waking up at 645 in the am. I know it will get easier. </div>Joycehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03963176235519707606noreply@blogger.com0