Just something I found.

I know it's been a while. I haven't posted anything on here for a long while because, well, I am not 29. With all of that aside I wanted to post something that I found. I guess I just wanted a place that I can find it again in case I want to send it to someone.

When yesterdays gone and can't be replaced,
when all that you see are the tears on her face,
maybe then you'll realize the extent of your mistakes
and be willing to do anything that it's going to take.

when its almost too late
only minutes to spare
maybe then you can explain
why you haven't been there

when she looks back and remembers who was there,
and also who wasn't but doesn't even care,
maybe then you'll think twice about what you do,
and everything that you put her through

when she's standing before you all grown,
maybe then you can admit that she's your own,
and you can show her a daddy's love
that yourself, isn't all you ever think of.

when she finally gets to know you
pigs will fly and monkeys too,
cause that's the likelihood you'll follow through.

detour.

I have started a new blog for myself. If you like what you have read go here
www.diaryofasinglemom30.blogspot.com
hope you enjoy.

UPDATE!!

So, I miss you a little. I'm not gonna lie, but I am glad I no longer have the guilty feeling of not posting something when I feel like I have to. I thought I would have posted more on my new blog but I haven't. I have been busy with my sweet little baby. It amazes me how much you can love someone instantly, and how much love can grow. I have been adjusting well, I think, to new mommy-hood. She is not yet sleeping through the night and is currently mixing up night and day. It's not too bad, being sleep deprived, I just make sure I have a full supply of french vanilla creamer for my coffee when I am dragging ass. Work has been pretty easy on me. It was a little hard to transition from maternity leave but I managed.

**baby daddy update**
Ok, for all of you that didn't know, I am a single mother of 3 children. When I started this little bloggy thing, I was a single mom of 2 boys. Anywho, I was seeing a guy and ended up pregnant!! Crazy, I know! I knew when I met him he was trouble. It turned out my gut feelings about him were right. He found out through a mutual "friend" that I was pregnant. I tried multiple time to contact him and got nothing. It has almost been a year since I have seen this guy/douchbag and not a single word from him. We are facebook friends, oddly enough, and I get to see his status updates and such. I know he has a new girlfriend but I am now at the point that I don't care about anything that he does. I am in the process of filing for child support. I did a DNA test right after Christmas and now I'm just waiting for the results. I don't know if anything will change after the results come back that she is his. I don't know if I should reach out and try to contact him, for Leila's sake. She has 1 brother and 3 sisters from him and I would like her to get to know them, but I don't think that it is my place to make that happen. I will probably just wait and see if he/sperm donor, tries to contact me. Who knows, its just a waiting game I guess. It seems like I have been waiting for all of this forever!!

New beginnings.

I have decided that this will probably be my last post on this blog. I need to make a new one for the new chapter that my life has begun. I am not going to be posting daily, cause we know how that turned out. I just need to think up a name that I like for my new blog. I like having a place to tell my story and sort out my thoughts. When I think of a title for my new blog I will post a link. 

Induction day!

So I am scheduled to be induced today! I am so tired, I just wish I had a day or two to catch up on some sleep. I have not been sleeping well these past few days. I could probably sleep now, but I have to be up at 4am and call labor and delivery. I am a little nervous but excited at the same time. I seemed to have went through a thousand emotions today. I cried because I realized that I was home by myself for the last time today. The boys were at school and I had time to myself. I won't be getting that for a while. I am just hoping, and praying that everything goes smoothly. I am feeling a little antsy. I suppose that is to be expected. I guess most of all is I am excited to see my little girls face. 

I'm 30 now!

It is official! I am a thirty year old woman. I don't feel any different. I feel large and pregnant! I suppose all this pregnancy stuff took my mind off of being another year older.

I have to say my birthday was a toughie. This whole week has been a trying one. I got bad news on my birthday that my children's babysitter passed away. It was so out of left field. It seemed to happen so fast. I was really emotional and still am a bit. She was an older lady (63) but I never thought she would pass. She has been a part of me and my kids' lives for about 5 years. I know a lot of her family because I was told about her through her sister in law, which is also my boss. I haven't told my children about her passing yet. I did tell them that she was sick. I don't want them to see me emotional. I remember the effect it had on me when I first saw my mom cry. But I know we will remember the good times about Patty. She sure had one hell of a personality.

Ok, enough of that. I don't really know if I am going to change to a different blog or not. I am still undecided about that. So I guess I will just post stuff here until I get a little more organized. This little one should be here in about a week or so. So much going on in my life. It's crazy to think where I was this time last year..... Wow what a difference a year makes. 

1 more day...

So today I will spend the last day of my 20's seeing my baby girls face on the ultrasound machine. I am happy for that, I am also a little sad. No big celebration planned for my birthday. I have a doctor's appointment that day, I just hope I don't have to give birth that day. I know that it may sound selfish but I don't want to share my birthday. I just don't want to be sad on my birthday. I know a pity party isn't the kind I need. I am not even sad to say goodbye to my twenties. I am ready to be in my 30's. I just wish I could go out and be carefree and not have all of the uncomfortable feelings and feeling like my baby could be here anytime. I don't know what I am going to do with the blog just yet. I kind of forgot about it....(sorry) I have been preoccupied with pregnancy. If you ever wanted to take your mind off of turning 30 just be massively pregnant during the time. I would like to say that I do want to continue to make posts. I love having the ability to just put down all my feelings and worries. I don't worry that anyone will judge me anymore. I like having worked towards that.