Riding the emo coaster.

I'll be honest, I haven't felt like posting the last couple of days. I guess out of pure laziness, or something. I seem to be riding an emotional roller coaster today. I was super bitchy at work today, and I think I got easily frustrated with my boys. I hate feeling guilty about getting strict with them but I don't want to be a pushover. I totally understand my parents pain when trying to get me back on a schedule for school. I just yelled at my son for the 5th time to get back to bed. I'm starting to get really emotional about things. I feel like I'm a bad mom when I yell at them, sometimes I just don't know what to do, which makes me feel even worse. I should know what to do because I am their mom. I sure hope this passes because I know I am a good mom. I may have a short temper, but I try to control it and talk sternly but not yelling, because I know I hate it when people yell at me. I think this is just the back to school schedule change. I am really not looking forward to waking up at 645 in the am. I know it will get easier. 

Stop! Family time.

I didn't post last night because I was fasting. I wanted to use up all my time making sure I ate enough before midnight. I also had a friend come over that I was helping out. She is just going through a tough time in life and needed a shoulder and a place to sleep.

Well, I am heading over to see some family that got into town today from Florida. I haven't seen them in a year and it will be nice to catch up. I don't think they have ever gotten the chance to see me this pregnant. That will be interesting. Either way I love my family and I am antsy to get over there so this will be cut short.
And.....cut.

I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited.

Here I sit, because I can't sleep. I made the chocolate cupcakes, like I planned, and the peanut butter frosting. I will need to tweak the frosting recipe because it is a little to sweet and not peanut buttery enough. It sure does taste good with a glass of milk though. I want another cupcake but I feel a little guilty if I have more then 2. I don't need all of the empty calories.

So I have been on an Adele fix for the last couple of days. I really like the emotions behind her music. I love her voice, and her look. I feel a connection with her music, which I suppose is what its all about. I feel like I get her, and vice-versa.

Ok, I am feeling a little tired right now. I suppose I should lay down and get some rest. I will need it I am sure. 

Slept 12 hours.

Yes I am guilty of sleeping forever yesterday. I just passed out and didn't wake up except to pee. I really needed it. I still felt a little tired but that's not too weird. Now I probably won't be able to sleep tonight. I will finally get time to make chocolate cupcakes with peanut butter frosting. Oh yum!

I smell something.

I smell something sour. I don't know what, or where it is. I just know that I smell something funny. It almost smells like sour milk. Yuck! I need to find the source of said smell and dispose of it. I guess I should do some cleaning around this place. I am just lazy and I hate cleaning. I know everyone hates cleaning but I seriously hate it. I think I would trade my left leg if I knew it meant I never had to clean again. I would rather pay someone 15 bucks an hour to clean my house. I have even paid friends to do it for me before. I don't know why I hate it so much. I just hate it. End of story.

my mind is at ease

So I did my best detective work and found out some needed info. I won't go into detail but it has certainly put my mind at ease. It feels good even though I think I was worrying over nothing. I do that a lot. It is always nice to be a little bit informed and prepared.

Tomorrow is going to be a fun day. I just hope I can get motivated to drive an hour away. I'm going to an old co-workers wedding. If I don't make it there I would feel incredibly guilty. I am just not a fan of driving, but I know it will be ok. Custer isn't that far away, only 45 miles. I know she would love to see my kids and me. I gotta remember to get her a gift and a card in the morning. Lots to do. 

I've been bad.

I have a horribly long list of stuff to do this week. I wrote almost all of them down, and its 10 things to do before Thursday. I know that it is part of being a parent, but I would much rather do things for them then for myself. I just want enough time to do all of it, and on top of that, do my normal chores and take care of myself. Most of the things on my "to do" list was done on Monday. I was quite proud of what I got done even though it could have been more. I bought almost all of the things on the school supply list for my boys. I just have to fill out the registration form and get backpacks. I went in and did my glucose screen on Monday only to find out today that I have to do another one, and it involves me staying there for 3 hrs, and fasting beforehand. So, getting to the point, I know I have been neglecting my blog a bit but I am giving myself a little slack. I'm sorry to say but getting my stuff done on my list is more important. I still love ya though. :)

Maybe I'm being a Debby Downer.

I can't help but think about how some people are just a disappointment. Yes, some more then others, but some come as a surprise. Those are the worst kinds. I don't want to dwell on the negative, because I know that is not the answer. I just wish karma would slap these people right in the face. I know now to not give these people any of my energy, they don't deserve it. They will just continue to let you down. 

What's on the menu?

At 2 in the morning I am eating some biscuits and gravy. Yum yum. I think I might have to have seconds. I am still hungry. I hate deciding what to eat this late at night. I don't really want to make a whole lot of noise, cooking and such. I also hate it when I smell my neighbors cooking this late at night. I think last week they decided to have some sort of garlic fest over there.

So the insomnia continues into this morning. It was probably 5am yesterday when I finally got to sleep. I got stuck watching HIMYM (How I Met Your Mother) episodes. Now, I am stuck playing a new app on my phone. I am sure I will fall asleep sooner then I did the night before. I worked all day long today and then was a designated driver for some friends. It was a long day. I feel like I did some good.  

Insomnia is uncool.

It seems that I have my days and nights confused. I remember always doing this when I was younger. When your a kid and on summer vacation, there is no reason for a bed time. I have always been a night person. I just love the quiet and the cool air. It can get a little lonely and a little frustrating, knowing that you should be in bed, and that everyone else you know is. I know that it was caused by sleeping too much today. I just can't help it. I tried to eat a turkey sandwich, but that has failed. I would like to think that my brain works the best at night. I seem to figure out things that need to be done at these sleepless times. Now, I just need to put my thoughts into action during the day. If only I could wake up in time to get them done. Sometimes though, my thoughts get the best of me. I start thinking about things that I shouldn't worry about. I just try to tell myself that all will be ok. Its a lot easier said then done though, that's for sure.

My guess is that I probably won't be able to sleep for at least an hour or so. I should try to lie down. Who knows. 

midnight snack.

I think I am going to venture to the grocery store so I can make myself something yummy. I am so hungry and I have not the slightest idea of what I want. I also have no clean pots and pans, so I don't know what I am going to end up eating. I just know I need some food, some sort of nourishment. Shepard's pie sounds really good right now. Fried rice sounds good too. I just don't have the patients to cook and I DON'T want frozen food. All I know is I'm on a mission for some deliciousness. 

I am a party pooper.

I got invited to go to Throttle Fest at the Full Throttle Saloon, tonight. I opted to pass on that invite. I feel bad because I was complaining about not doing anything for the motorcycle rally. I just don't think I could handle a hot, and crazy crowd. I was going back and forth today about weather I should go or not, and decided not. Instead I did some grocery shopping and then took a nap. What a bundle of fun I am.

The Blah Feeling

I have nothing to say. I don't want to talk about anything in particular. Maybe I am stressed or something. I just think I want to keep to myself for a little. I am not the type of person that usually holds back what I am feeling. I am not scared to share. I just don't feel like talking about anything.

Rally time.

It is that time of year again, when all the bikers head into town for the Sturgis motorcycle rally! It can get crazy around here. I usually love going out the the Buffalo Chip Campground. I have seen concerts out there for years. Sadly, I won't be going this year. I just don't see the point, plus I don't have the funds. I love taking pictures of all  the people and the bands. I have got to say I got some great pictures last year of Kid Rock. I am a little sad when I listen to the radio and hear all of the live broadcasts from the chip. Oh well, I guess. 

Slept all day.

I slept so much today. I still feel tired. I am guessing that I won't be able to sleep tonight. I sure hope that is not the case. I feel a little tired now, but I am not sure if I could sleep or not. I keep getting kicked a whole bunch tonight. I don't think it would keep we awake though. 

I hate heartburn.

I've been sitting here for the past hour or so, suffering from heartburn. Oh I hate it. Blah, blah, blah, I know I am complaining but it down right sucks. How come, when there are millions of reasons to smile, and be happy, I think of the few reasons that do not? I guess its just hormones or something. I am usually a very very positive person. Oh but I am in dire need of a nap. I am actually thankful that I feel tired. I have been having trouble sleeping for a couple of weeks. It seems like I can survive on 4 or so hours of sleep. I guess I am just practicing. 

My town

So it seems that the town I live in is going through so many tragedy's These past weeks seem to have been filled with unexpected deaths. The first one came from a couple of teenage girls crawling on the roof of my middle school gym. They both fell through a skylight and one died from it. The second was a high school junior that slipped while cliff diving at the lake. I work with a lot of teenage girls and it broke my heart to see them lose a classmate. The third, and one that hits closest to home, was a local police officer was shot and killed after a routine traffic stop. This happened less then a mile from my home and place of work. It is so sad that these things have happened and it just reminds you that life is not something to be taken for granted. So it has a been a sad time for our town. I just hope it gets better.   

Time management.

I have come to realize over the years that I am not so great at managing my time. I have often been called flaky, and I hate admitting that. I think if you have read my post, and know that I have a hard time getting to them on time, then you kind of have a clue of that already. I don't know what my problem is. I just think I have all the time in the world, when I don't.

Already August!

I can't believe it is already August 1st. It seems like this summer has flown by. School starts on the 27th and that is not very far for sure. I am feeling in a rush to do fun things with the kids but I can't seem to find the energy, now that leaves me feeling guilty. I wanted to take them to the water slide park, but I can't go down the slides at all. I don't even know if my swimming suit fits me anymore. I still have time to do fun things with them. I just hope I can sum up the energy from somewhere.