Is it Friday yet?

I hate Thursdays. I just hate having to pick up my children super late and try to get them to do their night routine in like 10 minutes. They hate that I work nights and so do I. I need to think about saying I can't do them any more. I have said before that I don't like it but it has not worked in my favor. I am so tired now and my kids will be hard as hell to wake up in the morning. UGH! It just frustrates me to no end. 

Early to bed.

I got a lot done today. I feel very accomplished. Now there is not much to do but make an appointment and wait. I am so exhausted now. I think I am going to try to get to bed early. It really isn't all that early for the rest of you but it is early for me. I have only been off work for an hour. I feel like I should get some things done but then again I want to just rest and relax. 

New house.

I got to go to my mother's new house today! Yep it is officially hers now. Today was the closing and she got the keys. It is a beautiful house. I love the neighborhood and I like the layout. It is much smaller but I love it. I already have plans for a slip and slide in her back yard. I think it will be a lot of fun seeing this empty house turn into a home. I need to go say my final goodbye to her old house.

So today I spent over 2 bucks on an item that just seems ridiculous. I spent 2.25 on mustaches!! Who would have thought. I need to tap into the fake mustache business!! Who ever thought of that is genius!   

Half an hour.

Only 27 more minutes to be exact until dancing with the stars starts!! I am such a nerd but I am super excited of course.

So it is over now and I wasn't fully impressed like I was last week. I sure did love Hines Ward!!! I will vote for him no matter what because, lets face it, that is the whole reason I am watching this season. He did amazing and I think they saved the best for last. Good way to keep the ratings ABC. Ha ha just jokes but it was a good way of making sure I watched the whole thing. Now I wanna be a dancer!

Well, on another note, I had a nice day off. I get another day off tomorrow and I think I am going to try to get some stuff done. I sure hope I can. I think I will reward myself with some pampering if I do. I need it for reals!

Almost guilty.

I am having a few guilty type feelings. I was thinking the other day about quitting this blog. I was thinking that I am just not having the content that I use to. I think it is just the hormones talking, but I quickly talked myself out of quitting. I am not a quitter....well that is a lie. I have quit a few things in life. This is not one of them though. I need to see this one through. Who cares about having amazing content every day, hell who cares if I have awesome content once a month. Honestly, you probably do but I don't. That is the point. I love blogging. I never think to myself, ack I don't wanna blog today. I enjoy it and it really gets me thinking. I just hope that I can shed some of my knowledge and just let out little bits of myself at a time. This blog is purely selfish, no, its 98% selfish. I just hope when I am finished with this I can find another reason to blog. Ha ha ha. I am almost half way done with my 29th year. I am scared for the rest of it but excited about the journey there. Am I making any sense?

Just kicking back.

Oh I am so glad to be off work. I am ready for the weekend to be over with. I am ready to see my sons and play with them. I miss them a lot. I get to see them tomorrow night after I get off of work so I am getting excited. It really sucks when your kids are gone for the week. You think I would be use to this but I still miss them terribly every time they go to their dad's for the week. It is a nice break that I get though and I get a lot of stuff done.

So now I am just kicking back and drinking a coke. I am a little tired and my couch looks so amazing right now, I might have to go sit on it. I can't wait for Monday! I am so excited for dancing with the stars, its sad, but it is all I got. Ha ha ha. Well it is time now to go into a Chinese food coma.  

Friend in my shoes.

I think we all like to have someone that knows REALLY  what we are going through. Its just nice to have someone to confide in and see if they are experiencing the same things. Yeah sure, there are other friends that are always there for you and are willing to be that shoulder to cry on. Some of my friends that don't have children just don't know what I'm going through, although I cherish all the things they do for me just the same.

I found out that one of my close friends that I use to work with is also pregnant. She is a couple weeks farther along then me but it is nice to have someone that understands. I was so excited today when I found out. She is a wonderful mother, and person. She is always so loving and full of positivity it is impossible to not love her. I feel somewhat relieved to have someone in the same position as me.

Ok, anyways, I really want some Rice Krispie Treats right now. That is my mission to make a few dozen or so and eat the crap out of them .....Ready, set, rice krispies!!

Overreaction.

I know I am probably overreacting but I just feel like everyone is out to get me. They just piss me off. Today is the kind of day that I just want to punch everyone in the damn face. I hate people that talk about stuff that they know nothing about. How about you be in my shoes for one minute and see how I feel, or just go to hell. If you don't have anything nice to say to me I don't wanna hear about it. I don't need that right now. I want the happy old me back. Where did she go and why was she replaced with this raging bitch?

This sucks

Crap my positivity is wearing low. I need to find some more somewhere. Its not at the Bbq place although they have some very delicious food, which helps. I can't find a happy medium between feeling sick and feeling like I am going to explode. Ugh this sucks. I hate feeling like I have changed. I feel like I have less to offer in these posts because the life is getting sucked out of me. I sleep all day and night. I am surprised that I have the energy to go to the bathroom. I hope this goes away soon. I want the old me back!!!

Coke Icee!

Mmm, this is the life. Just sitting back and relaxing with my Icee. I'm glad that I have tomorrow off to just relax and get some errands done. I have felt really good the last few days despite the tiredness but I hope and think that will fade. Maybe I will have some delicious Chinese food. Who knows what the day will bring but I just hope I keep up the good spirits. 

HAPPY SPRING!

Today was the best day that I have had in a long time! Not only is today the beginning of my favorite season, I woke up to the sweetest message on Facebook....

" i wanted to say joyce that im so thankful for our friendship... we have been thru so much the last 14 years together..we have really shared our lives with eachother and you were there for me when no one else was and i will always be here for you...you are the only person i know with a heart of gold and i will never find another friend like you EVER!!! thank you for being you and thank you for showing me unconditional love and true friendship..."


I almost cried! My friends have been so solid and loving lately. I feel truly blessed. Well the cherry on top of all that goodness is that I got to watch Dancing with the Stars!! I, of course used all of my votes for Hines! I thought most of the dancers did amazing though... I also went beforehand to get some takeout and a frozen coffee. On my way inside my apartment I saw a robin!!! I almost cried once again. It was so close and just hopping around like it was saying "Hi Joyce, happy spring!" I know that sounds a little corny but all that made my day!!

Late night Denny's run.

Sorry this one is late but I had some serious late night supper. Oh yum, T-bone steak and eggs. It totally hit the spot. I went with my two best girls. They are my rocks right now. If I didn't have them I would be a wreck! They helped me with some house work tonight so I treated them to some food. So good. Now its nap time. 

Feel good food.

I had to stop at Sonic before I came home tonight. I needed a cherry limeade to soothe my soul. Yes, that is comfort food for me. I have had a hectic week for sure and it makes me feel better. I hope it can only get better from here.

I was the bigger person today and didn't say anything negative to my mother. I even went as far as getting her favorite thing from Mcdonalds. I still believe I am in the right with the whole situation and I'm still baffled that she isn't more supportive. I think she will realize that she was being insensitive but who knows when. I guess I know where my stubbornness comes from.

This new week will be better. I can feel it. 

Not my day.

Today is just not my day. I can't stop feeling sick and tired. I still am angry at my mother and I hate conflict. I don't really know what else to do or say. I am gonna try to eat something and kick this nausea. 

emotional mess.

I just don't know what to say. I just got into a huge argument with my mother. I can't stop crying now which is awesome. I vow to always be supportive of my kids. I will always have their back even if I don't totally agree with them, I will ALWAYS support them. I feel like my mother is not going to be what I need her to be at all. FUCK. 

I've been outed!

I just needed to get this off my chest. One of my friends saw my "future baby daddy" out at the bar tonight. Well, to make a long story short, I have been outed. Yes, the cat is out of the bag, the beans have been spilled. She told him I am pregnant. I wish I could have been there but a part of me is relieved that I didn't have to muster up the lady balls to tell him. (I am such a chicken shit)  I just wish I could have seen his face. She said that he had puppy dog eyes and that he said his kids are all adorable and she shouldn't be mad. She also told him to get a hold of me. I don't wanna wait by the phone but I think that he should call or text me. Who knows where this will all go from here but I guess that the ball is in his court for now. Guess I will just wait and see.

Firsts.

Today I bought my very first pint of Ben & Jerry's!! I think I have tried the ice cream before but never purchase a pint of it. I had a tough decision to make because they all looked so good. I guess after my Clusterfluff I will have to try the others that look good. I love the names of all of them. I think that is why I bought the one I did, it had the best name.

Today was such a beautiful day. It ended with some rain which was nice, better then snow! It's nice to get a free car wash. I can't wait for these nice days to be back to back. Oh spring I have missed you so!

Almost.

So I almost made a life changing text message today. I almost told my ex that I am expecting!! I know I still need to tell him but I am having serious anxiety about it. I feel like I made one big step in the right direction. I have faith in myself to do what is tough and get through it.

I have felt these past few days, that I am the only one that has complete faith in myself. I don't know what I am going to do about that. I guess when I am shining in the end it will show them all that they should have had more faith in me. I just gotta work hard at it. Hard work never hurt anyone right?

Megamind!

I just got done having a nice evening with my sons. We watched Megamind and ate spaghetti. I am now totally exhausted, again. I didn't even do much of anything today. I got to sleep in so why am I so..........wait, duh I know why. Never mind. Ha.

This morning was a rough one for me. I got sick for the first time! I just hope it doesn't happen again, yeah right. I am still so emotional and unsure about everything. I wish I knew what to say to my "baby daddy" I still have yet to tell him the news. I am taking it slow because every time I think about telling him I feel like throwing up. I think I will try to do it this week, but I feel that I will know when it is right and I want myself surrounded with support. I hope it will be ok. I am freaked out by it but I know its gotta be done sometime. Oh shit. Lol

Stupid daylight savings.

I am so tired. I already took a nap a little earlier. It was only a 2 hour nap, but I am still exhausted. I am so glad that I have the next two days off. After I drop the kids off at school tomorrow I can take a nap. I am not sure if I will have to though because it will be an early bed time tonight for sure.

The weather is starting to get nice, which is exciting. I think I might try to BBQ with some friends tomorrow. I can't wait! I love nice weather and spring time, and all that jazz. I love the smell of my house after I have left the window open all day. Yay! I am excited. Good food and good friends and a place my children can play equals bliss! 

Saying prayers.

You know you might think that you have it bad, or that your world is ending, but I can assure you that somewhere someone is going through something much worse. I was watching some of the footage of the tsunami and earthquake in Japan. I can't help but almost cry. I am in a part of the US that probably would never be effected by an earthquake. I could never imagine the devastation that they cause. I am saying prayers for all effected by this tragedy. Makes all my problems seem laughable and minuscule.

Just thought I would take a minute to step away from my life and not be so self involved. 

Half of my heart.

As John Mayer said, "Half of my heart has a grip on the situation, half of my heart takes time"

Let the judgement begin.
I've already had someone tell me they felt sorry for me. That comment pissed me off. I don't need your sympathy, I need your support. Its not much to ask of someone that I am close to. I feel the raging bitchary coming on. I feel bad for those that will feel its wrath.

Good days and bad.

Today was an ok day for me. I feel a little pukey right now but I think I just need to eat or drink something. I am lacking in energy, which I hope won't last but I'm not very optimistic about that. I had to work tonight and it just dragged on and on. Ugh. I hope I find something to help me feel better.

I know that I will have some good days along with bad. I know that! I am just taking things day by day. I try to stay positive but it is hard. I just think to myself that I should enjoy this time, it won't come around again. 

Time to get real.

I haven't been lying to ya'll, just holding back some things. I have been battling weather or not to say something  or not. I don't want to filter myself on here but I just want to protect myself and a couple other people. I am still wavering weather or not to tell my secret. The thing of the thing is that it is not an ideal situation. I want to feel like I have some sort of tact and class.

Ok, here goes....I feel like I am gonna barf and I don't know if it from the nerves or the morning sickness. There it is out in the open blogosphere. I have taken two test at home and both have been positive. I am going to go to Planned Parenthood today and get a real test so I can have proof of pregnancy. I can't say that I am excited about it because I don't think I will get any support from the father. I already have 2 boys, and their dad is pretty much as good of a dad as I could ask for. I haven't told him yet and I am not sure how. I deleted his phone number and the only way I have to contact him is Facebook. I still have all of that to figure out. I think I will save this post in my drafts until I get back from Planned Parenthood tonight.

I am home now and the test went just as expected. I am still pretty weary about this post. I think I will be judged and looked down on. I just have to hold my head high because the one thing I am proud of is my mothering capability. I am a good mom. No one is perfect. The only person that can judge me is god.

Almost fell asleep.

I am just so tired. This week has already taken a lot out of me. I just want to sleep it off. I can't believe I got to watch all of the biggest loser but then slept through the last half hour of the show. Silly me! I should sleep if I am tired. I need to quit fighting it. I just feel like I need to be awake for some reason. I am probably just lacking some caffeine. 

Good friends prevail.

Now is the time to see what everyone is made of. Who is full of judgement, and who is accepting and kind. Who will be my shoulder to cry on and who can  pick me up when I am down. I really hope that my faith in good will shine through.

Blessings come in all shapes and sizes. They never are what you expect them to be. If this doesn't make me stronger, I really don't know what will. Shit just got real interesting.

IDK what to say.

I am at a total loss for words right now. Please forgive me, but I am going through some things. I will get things squared away and have much much more to talk about in a few days. 

Your legs.

I don't really know the reason for that title. Ha, I guess I am just in one of those moods. Its not a bad mood. I would say more along the lines of a good mood. I am trying to keep things positive around here. It is a hard thing to do, to stay positive, but it is worth it in the long run. I just keep reminding myself that I am a good person and if I work hard for what I want I will get it. I just know that I have it in me to get through anything.

I blame it on the new vitamins that I am taking for this new energy. I feel good. I am not extremely tired when I wake up. I feel stronger. I hope I feel this way next week when I go to Zumba class. I like this healthy junk. I am trying my hardest to keep with it. I am down 4lbs.... That is exciting. I am not an overly large person so it is a big accomplishment for me.

Support.

Sometimes all you need in this world is a little support from the people you love the most. I might need a whole lot soon, who knows. I feel like my mother doesn't support my choices sometimes. She is trying to sway me away from going to school for photography. I can understand her reasons but just support me. You don't have to agree with my choices just support them. A mother should always encourage their children right? I promise to do that for mine. I need some guidance. 

Growing apart.

I think that we all have that one friend that we just grow apart from. Its not that I want to, it just happens. Well, I saw one of my friends today that I haven't hung out with in a while. I use to call her a toxic friend. She is just not the kind of friend that I need in my life right now. I believe she lies a lot. She can never seem to dish out a nice compliment to me. They are always backhanded compliments. When I lost a lot of weight last spring, and she saw me in the summer time, she said that my boobs looked really small. I always have felt really competitive with her for some unknown reason. She just rubs me the wrong way sometimes. Today I thought, no wonder I don't hang out with her anymore. I guess I just grew out of that friendship. It is kind of sad but life goes on.

I forgot.

I spaced out how excited I was to hear the news that Hines Ward will  be on DWTS! (Dancing With the Stars) I have come to love that show and watched some of the last two seasons. For some reason I can't seem to watch all the way to the end. Usually the person I like to watch gets eliminated. I am going to try my hardest to vote for my Steeler! So excited to see Kirstie Alley and Ralph Macchio too. I am pretty sure I could kick some serious ass on this show, if only I were famous, or kinda famous. I think I have great rhythm.

I also forgot to apologize for my post on the 27th. I was a little bitter and I had a horrible night. It was a little bit alcohol infused too. Oh well though, I got my feelings out and I feel better about it.

Today was a lot of fun with the boys. We went sledding!! It was so cold out but fun anyway. The hills behind our house are beautiful. I will have to keep practicing with the new cam. I think I did ok for the first time out with it.  

meh.

I am feeling blah again. Kind of stressing a lot lately about small things. I just don't feel like I have anything interesting to bring to the table tonight. I am a little distracted too. Tomorrow will be better. I can hangout at home and play with my boys. I wish it wasn't so bitterly cold and we could go sledding. Blah.....