Happy 2011 Everyone....

Yay....I am ready to be done with this year. I am going to try a little bit of a timeline of this year. I am just going to say certain things about each month that I can remember....

January....
I began this month with a new relationship that I thought would go far. I had high hopes for this new year and started my journey to a healthier me!

February....
The end of this month my best friend moved away. I got a great Valentines gift from my (then) boyfriend. He brought flowers to my work, which no man had ever done for me. Went ice skating for the very first time!!!

March....
I found out that my (then) boyfriend was married still and lied to me. It was to hard to handle so I broke things off.

April....
Easter was fun! Had an egg hunt at my mothers house with about 120 eggs for 2 kids to find!!

May....
Bought a new coffee maker, which I thank for my daily cup of joe. Lucas turned 7 and I had his party at.....crap I can't seem to remember. Oh his party was at Chuck E Cheese!

June....
My best friend came back into town for a visit. I had a BBQ for Logan's birthday! My co-worker got married too.

July....
I don't really remember much of this month. I think I might have gone fishing for the first time in ages. Spent the 4th with the kids and took them to the small carnival they had, then watched the fireworks.

August....
Another one of my co-workers got married. I went to see Kid Rock and some other people in concert at the Buffalochip Campground. My oldest son started 2nd grade and my youngest started Kindergarten. My dad also came for a visit.

September....
My brother came to visit. Also, my cousin, my aunt, and my uncle came to visit as well. My uncle Dude had a massive stroke. It was a tough month.

October....
Turned 29!! Started this blog!!! Met (sorta kinda) someone special. This month my brother turned 35 and my mother turned 56!!! Had a good birthday and had an awesome Halloween.

November....
I think this month went the fastest. Had thanksgiving at my mothers house. Had to wait in line at Toys R Us for and hour and a half just to be disappointed.

December....
Well, so far, I went to my Grandma's house for the first time in like 11/2 years, for Christmas. My car broke down on me. Sold a part of my soul to Capital One. Got a smart phone!!!

So that is my year in review. I guess I don't remember if there was anything else worth mentioning. I have gained a lot of knowledge in this last year, know more about myself and how I tick. I don't really like to make New Year's resolutions but I like to make goals for the year to come. I think I am going to try harder to stand my ground and say what I am thinking. I am going to go after what I want and leave behind the things that I don't need. I am going to fill this new year with the beauty and knowledge that it deserves. And make new friends and have fun!!

Hope everyone has a safe and HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Bring on 2011!!

Hi I'm right over here

The wind sure is blowing and the snow sure is falling. Just another blizzardy Thursday! I should be use to this right? I mean I have lived in South Dakota since 1993 and it never gets easier. I feel like the wind just gets into my bones and leaves me cold for days. Wasn't it just 50 degrees yesterday? Oh yes, yes it was. Stupid weather.

Besides this blizzard not much has been going on. Last night was a little strange in a few ways. I went to my man friends house and hung out with him and his bestie. He seems a little insecure at times. He sometimes makes little comments about me being with another guy. Yeah weird, like I'm cheating on him or something. Maybe it is him that has something to hide. I don't trust him at all but I am not sure if it's just him or just men in general. Then he asked me if I loved him yet.....yeeesh. I am just not ready for that. I sound like such a dude. It's just the game of love is a tough one for me.

Alrighty then. Enough of that babble. I guess if I am going to go out for new year's eve I need to find something that goes good with a snow suit. It is looking semi doubtful that I will be doing anything for the new year. I don't really understand why there is all this pressure for new years. It never lives up to what I think its going to be.

Short

I sort of feel like I am being pulled in all sorts of directions. I don't know maybe I just want to stay at home alone. I do enjoy my alone time. It is relaxing. I plan in my mind what I usually want to do for the day but it seems like these days those plans aren't what ends up happening. Oh well I guess I will just go in the direction that is pulling me the most.

Back to the grind

Yes, sadly my 4 day vacation is over. It went by way to fast! It was a very much needed mini vacation thought for sure and I kinda miss all my girls at work. Tonights shift shouldn't be very busy so it will be nice to catch up with everyone and how their Christmas was.

I still can't believe that there are only a few days left of the new year. I am going to start this new year off the way I did last year. I want to begin eating healthy again and working out. Hopefully I can knock off about 20 more pounds. I am very proud of my accomplishments last year. I lost about 30lbs!! I have been able to keep it off and maintain this current weight. I have not been doing any dieting and I don't seem to gain much weight. I think the way I went about it last year was defiantly right on. I did a variation of the raw diet for about 5 days! It was hell, yes but I think it really gave me that boost I needed.

New Year's always gives me that optimistic feeling. I feel like I have been given a clean slate to start things over again.It is a way for me to really take a look at my accomplishments and then go for what I want. I do have a few goal, I wouldn't call them resolutions. I think too much pressure is put on resolutions. I do think that I am happy about where I am and if the year ago me was looking at me now she would be happy.

Christmas hangover.

I sure am feeling it. I am so unmotivated today and sluggish. I still have to find a place for all the toys and such. I was thinking it was time to do a little pre spring cleaning. I don't know if I can find a place for everything. All I wanna do is sit on the couch and watch How I met your mother. But I will have a few cups of coffee and get things going.

Me and my forgetful self, I left my cell phone charger at my grandma's. I got a new charger today and I am happy that it works for all Samsung models. I will be getting a new phone in a month or so, when Alltel transitions over to AT&T. The new one will also be a Samsung so I hope this charger works with it too. It took me forever to find one. Now it is charging and I am feeling some relief.

I've been thinking about the new year. This new years eve might have the potential to suck. I don't want to think it will be amazing and be let down. I do have to work all weekend but my shifts don't start til 11. I want to hang out with a certain someone but I don't want to count on that. Who knows maybe. I will probably see who has plans and who is having parties and then make my decision. I want to have fun and I will! I hope to have a really great and productive new year. I think 2011 will be my year! I said that last year but I think last year was good for me. I learned a lot. Next new years I can look on this post and see how much has changed and how some things are the same. I get excited thinking about all of the potential in 2011!

Home sweet home

I am home now. It is a little bittersweet. I hate to leave my grandma and my uncle!! It was great to see them and watch my uncle play with my kids. He still can't talk very well since his stroke in September. He is very bonded with my youngest son even though he can't say a lot. The played a game of leap frog and it was adorable! My grandma's house brings back so many memories from when I was younger. I wasn't always close with my mothers side of the family because we lived in Pennsylvania. I am glad that my kids get to experience it in tiny tiny McIntosh SD.

Now its time to get caught up in house cleaning and finding places for all my kids' new toys. We all are very lucky to get so much! I feel very blessed.

Merry Christmas to all

Ok it took me a whole day to figure out how to get on here. My grandma lives in such a small town that the cell phone service is about non existant. This post might cost me a small fortune because I am currently roaming. Not too sur what the roaming charges are for internet use.... Well we are having a great Christmas! We sang songs at church and we are about to have turkey dinner. I think the kids got all the toys they ever could want, and then some. I was stressing a little about missing a day of posting. Now I can worry no longer! Merry Christmas to all!

To Grandmothers house I go

Yeah I am a little nervous about the road conditions to my gramma's. We had a pretty bad ice storm last night/this morning. I am hoping for safe travels in the morning. I will have my grandma all to myself this weekend, which will be nice but I will miss my aunt, uncle, and young cousins. My youngest cousin and oldest son are about 2 years apart and my son adores him.

I am being a procrastinator tonight. I have nothing all the way done. Only have 3 gifts wrapped and a bunch more to go. I totally forgot to get all of the stocking stuffer stuff. I need to still pack clothes and my accessories. I can't forget the little things like my cell phone charger. Oh geez so much to do. I am still trying to fight this cold. I don't want to get anyone sick. Ok, I gotta get some things done.....

Under the influence

Of cold medicine that is. Yes I took some night time cold syrup. I do feel the sleepyness coming on but no cold relief. If you are a reader of my bloggy blog then you would know that I was having interests in buying a nedi pot. Well, I did, and it didn't help at all. In fact more water came out my mouth and almost made me vomit. I tried it about 3 times and the last try was the most successful. Overall it was kind of traumatizing experience.  I got a little rinse going on in the sinus cavity. But I am still so stuffed up.
Woo cold medicine. This is funny. I really shouldn't blog under the influence. But come to think of it, that is how all of this started.

Wow that cold medicine knocked me on my feet. I slept forever! Well its icy out and I am about ready to go to work. I have a million and one things to do tonight and I might end up not going to bed until early tomorrow morning. I gotta say it is not certain if I will get to post everyday. My grandma lives in a small town so I am not even sure if my cell will work there. I will surly try though it might be short cause I am spending time with my family.

Gingerbread and Best friends

I am currently in between batches of gingerbread men. I made about 2 dozen so far, but I burnt a few... Oopsie! I made gingerbread candy canes, and gingerbread trees, oh and the gingerbread snowmen. I need a better selection of cookie cutters. I need a star and a bell and a Santa.

Today is the last day of school for the boys. Horray for Christmas break. I am so glad I don't have to wake up at the butt crack of dawn tomorrow. I am so ready for my trip to my Grandma's house! I can't wait to make memories with the family. I am a bit apprehensive about seeing my uncle. I have yet to see him since he had his stroke in late September. I do know that he is still the same Uncle Dude that I know and love.

Today is also my best friends birthday!! I miss her so much. She lives in Wyoming and I haven't seen her in about 6 months.

Guilty but drained

I feel so drained. I have absolutely no energy at all. I am not looking forward to going to work. I guess on the bright side only 2 more days of work left and then a 3 day weekend. I am so looking forward to it. I am feeling a little bit guilty about complaining because my boss is in her 50's and she is working so much more then me. She has been working a bunch of days in a row and they are mostly 10hr shifts. I guess I do have a cold so that might be wearing me down a little bit. All I want to do is sleep the day away and drink some tea and have some chicken noodle soup.

I am thinking about purchasing a remedy for my cold. I have been looking into buying a nedi pot. Clean out these nasal passages sounds good to me. A hot shower sounds good too. Off I go.....

Bad Timing...

Oh great! I feel a cold coming on. I am sneezing and my throat hurts. Just great! This is my Christmas present? If it is can I have the receipt so I can take it back? I just need to stop being sick and be awesome instead. Ha ha you know I had to say that!

I think I got just about all of my shopping done and my car is fixed! Yay things are going great. I am actually getting really excited about Christmas. I am getting ready to buy the food and the treats. I got a gingerbread house to make with my cousins. I still have two bags of pretzels to dip in chocolate. I also haven't made fudge yet either. Mmmm yummy, makes me hungry just thinking about it.

Welcome home....

That right there should be stamped on my forehead. I feel like such a doormat. I just wanna be that crazy paranoid jealous girl, but something inside me shuts that up. It says, "Quit being such a girl!"  But I am a girl....Woman actually. Just because I don't think I will like the outcome of a conversation doesn't mean I shouldn't have it. I am just trying to make myself happy. I am putting blinders up to all of the negative, like it doesn't exist. I am not sure if that is good or bad.

Oh well, I guess. Just one more of those life lessons I need to learn. I feel immune to heartbreak though. My heart is guarded by such a huge wall I'm not sure I can ever let anyone pass.

Off to work now. Today should be a lot mellower then yesterday....Ha I may eat those words later.

Conclusion

I have come to the conclusion that I know nothing about men. However, it could be just this one man in general. Well if it is all men, how am I suppose to raise my two boys into men?? I am trying to teach them how to treat girls with respect and kindness. I guess it all starts with being a good person as a whole.

This one man just continues to confuse me. One minute he can be very loving and affectionate the next he's aloof. I have called him on it before and he tells me that he wouldn't put himself in this position if he wasn't truly interested. I do feel like he is being truthful saying that, because of other characteristics he has.

Either way we all, as human beings, just want to be wanted and loved. Sometimes we settle for less then what we truly deserve. Sometimes we place ourselves with people that we just think are good for us but they are just not the right fit.

Ok, so its 3 am and I am not to sure if I should post this.....oh hell, here is goes. If I wanna post more later I will.

Christmas concerts!

So today was the day of my kids' Christmas program. I loved it!! My youngest son is in kindergarten and they are always fun to watch. My oldest son is in 2nd grade and he looked just like his dad today. He was all dressed up in a polo shirt and jeans. Their concert was so cute!!

Well that was fun but at the end of the program their dad comes up to me and tells me he wants to spend Christmas with the kids because his grandfather isn't in the best health and this could be his last Christmas to spend with the boys. I got really angry at first because I did all of this work to get time off to go out of town to see my family and did all of this planning and he comes at me a week before and asks me to change my plans. How freakin rude. I immediately felt guilty and though that I could work something out. This co parenting thing bites!

Now to get ready for day number 2 of 8......working days. Yes, I am working 8 days in a row so I can spend time with my fam. I hope This all works out. I am sure it will though.

The storm before the calm?

Yeah, I know that seems backwards but it is true. This weekend is going to be pure madness and I am not looking forward to it one bit. It is the Lakota Nation Invitationals. Aka.....The LNI. It is this massive basketball tournament in town. I do like the business that we get from it but it is still very draining. This will be our busiest week.

Seems like everything is taking a crap on me lately. First, my car and now my computer. Ugh. Why won't things work right for me? Oh and on top of all that I feel like crap. I drank a little too much last night and now I am certainly paying for it.

Non Christmas music.

Who needs Christmas music when you've got some old school jams! Oh yeah, I am listening to Destiny's Child, and En Vogue, and even some Salt n Pepa. Its not really that old school, just some 90's music that I am feelin' at this moment. I'm not sure what is next on my playlist. I usually just stick to my favorites list on youtube but I am feeling like I need a change.

So the car situation is getting better and I will be completely mobile by this weekend. Yay! I can drive it now I just have to do a little magic and it will start!

I must apologize my brain is complete mush right now. I guess it has taken its Christmas vacation early.

Break free

So once again my cell takes like 10 minutes to get to the spot where I am able to post something. Arg....another 9hr shift for me tonight, which I don't mind cause I certainly use the money. I am starting to feel like the stress is fleeing. Oh I am sure it will come back but right now I feel good about everything...... As Bob Marly would say, every little thing is gonna be alright.

Tree stuff and stuff

Lets not get technical.

So I sorta kinda technically missed a day. I feel horrible. Only technically did I miss it though. The stuff that was written was on the 12th I just forgot to press the publish button until 4 minutes after midnight. Come on it was only 4 minutes. If I wasn't at the "mf's'' house I would have been able to post it before but beings I had to use the cell it took forever. Forgive me?

Anyways, I really need to find my camera. I would have posted some pictures of my amazing tree but I can't find it. My tree is not the regular kind of amazing. No tinsel on it, just one strand of colored lights and one strand of white lights. I have decorations that I made when I was a kid and I even have one that my brother made!! There are two of my favorite ornaments on there. The first is a red ballerina made out of glass that I could just stare at forever when I was young. The second one is a mouse in a thimble with just the head peaking out. This year we had a minor tragedy and the mouse is minus one ear.....:( The other ornaments are all of the home made variety with a few glass bulbs and some plastic stars here and there. I love it!!

Work Christmas Part A

What am I going to wear tonight to our work Christmas party??? I have no idea. That is such a cliche woman problem! It happens to me all the time though. It probably doesn't help that I am so indecisive.

I don't know what else cool to say. Maybe it will come to me later after a delicious dinner and a drink or two.

10 rules to live by

This might seem a little corny, because I got this from a Taco John's news letter, but I like it. This is not the first thing that I have had cut out from said news letter. They are motivational to me and when I find something like that I like to keep it around just as a reminder. I think everyone has something like that. Ok, lets cut to the chase

TEN RULES TO LIVE BY


1. People are illogical, unreasonable and self-centered.
       Love then anyway.
2. If you do good, people will accuse you of a selfish ulterior motives.
       Do good anyway.
3. If you are successful, you will win false friends and true enemies.
       Succeed anyway.
4. The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow.
       Do good anyway.
5. Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable.
       Be honest and frank anyway.
6. The biggest men and women with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest men and women with the smallest minds.
       Think big anyway.
7. People favor underdogs but follow only top dogs.
       Fight for a few underdogs anyway.
8. What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight.
       Build anyway.
9. People really need help but may attack you if you do help them.
      Help people anyway.
10. Give the world the best you have and you'll get kicked in the teeth.
      Give the world the best you have anyway.

Crap I forgot to title this.

I just have to write a little something before I go to bed tonight. Wow what a week. Car crapped out. My mom is having pms and she has already been through menopause. Applied to sell my soul to a bank. The apartment across from me had a small fire. Well I am not sure what happened, but there was some smoke, and the fire department, and me peering through the peephole for 15 minutes. Yes I am one of those nosy neighbors.

I am really struggling with dealing with my mother. Should I be mad at her for not helping me out more? I am a grown up (as much as I hate to admit that) and I should be able to take care of my own problems but damn! She  only has given me one ride since this whole car fiasco. She bluntly told me today that she would not be volunteering to give me a ride to work at 8 am. She also said if it was nice I could walk. This would not be a problem if it wasn't 16 degrees outside because I only live about a mile and a half away from work.I don't live on the best side of town though. This whole thing will probably end up in an argument because I don't hold things back with her.

So tonight we will put up the Christmas tree. I love doing this! I also love that my kids are at the age that they can really help me. I just hope I can make enough chocolate covered pretzels to take to work. My kids and I keep eating them as soon as they dry.

Jumped the gun....

Yeah, well, I totally jumped the gun yesterday. I thought I was going to have such a great day. I think if I was not having such a great day it would have been harder to handle. So my car took a crap on me. I guess I could say I kinda knew it was going to happen sooner or later. The worst thing about it is that I have no idea when I can get it fixed. This could be kinda crappy  but I am staying positive. It is getting harder and harder.

I am working an extra long shift tonight so I know I gotta post this now. I sure hope the extra time helps me. God I wish it was pay day already. Yuck I feel like I am going to be in a bad mood. I need to get out of it. Well on the bright side I can sleep in tomorrow and I get to put up the tree.

Zumba

Well I am going to Zumba this morning and I gotta say I am a little nervous. I have never really worked out in public. The only gym I have ever went to is the one in my appartment building. (if you even wanna call it a gym) I am hoping to feel refreshed and energized after all of this. I just hope I don't have a wheezing coughing fit because I am a smoker. Alright I am ready to get my dance/exercise on!!!


I am back from Zumba! I am still alive and I feel quite good. It was a lot of fun and a good sweat. I am pretty sure I will be doing that again! I am a little bit tired but other then that I feel better then I usually do! Woo hoo! I love it when working out is fun and makes me feel good. I even got some minor cleaning done at home. Now lets see if I fizzle out at work. 


Oh it is a beautiful day outside. I am shocked that it is December and it's almost 50 degrees out! There is hardly any snow on the ground. I secretly hope it snows a crap load soon, just to take the edge off our busyness.


I am really proud of myself today. That might sound lame but one of my goals was to do some sort of class related......thing. I pat myself on the back because I did it! Goodbye to the once flaky me. Ha. Today seems to be being a great day!

Accomplished!

Well if you asked me what I have accomplished today I would say about a whole season of my new favorite show. Yes, thats right, one whole season. I also picked my son up from school early, because he didn't feel well, but I think I was bamboozled. He sure doesn't seem sick now.

The one thing that I accomplished today, that was weird, was feeling more comfortable with my body. I guess you could say I am having a good body day. Actually this last year I have been liking it more and more. It is funny what a little weight loss and good eating will do.Yay for that!

I do have to work today, and train 2 new people. Oh joy! I am so ready for it to be Saturday so I can start having some real holiday fun! I plan on putting up the decorations and making some treats with my boys! First thing is first though, I have to clean up the house so it can be trashed again. Ha! Is there some sort of mess free cookie recipe out there?

I just hope at the end of the day I will feel like I have accomplished something, anything!

Head start...

Ha! I tried to get a head start on posting this morning and obviously that didn't work out. I ended up watching like 6 episodes of How I met Your Mother! That is my new show! I love it. Why haven't I ever watched it before??? Who knows.

Oh I am so over this week already! Busy busy busy!!! I am already ready for it to be the weekend.

Blah blah blah

Please spare me! I am currently hating on posts of love and whatnots on facebook. I am really sick of hearing about it! Maybe I am a hater, or bitter, but it gets old! I know you have found the man of your dreams but you don't see me posting about how much it sucks to be in a shitty relationship. I don't post about how hard it is being single and how hanging with all my friends that are in relationships and have love, makes me feel like I have the plague. I have great parts of my life, sure! I know it is your facebook and you can post what you want! I just had to get that out of my system.

Today is nice because I don't have to work. I am really getting burned out lately. I know it is the busy season and that has to do with it. Either way I feel like I got a lot done today. I already helped the boys with their home work and I am just about to make dinner. I got a couple of chores done today too! Yay me! I was thinking about putting up the Christmas tree tonight but I need to make sure this house is clean before I do any sort of holiday decorating or cooking. That is just that!

I may be in a mood lately but hey, thats just me!

Emotional overload!!

"Never felt the lovin of a man but it sure felt nice when he was holdin my hand"


There are so many questions I wanna ask him.....But I am biting my tongue because I am in an emotional state. I hate this! I deserve someone that wants me, that likes me, and mostly someone that respects me. We met on a singles dating site and have been seeing each other for about 2 months. I have been trying to just treat him the way he is treating me, being aloof and not totally attached. I think I am doing far more damage to myself then I think. I almost don't care. I hate that about myself. I hate that I settle for way less then I deserve just for some attention and the pretend caring feelings. I don't do anything to change this situation so I have no one to blame but me! I do proudly say that I have yet to shed a tear for this fella.

Oh damnit! All my man drama makes me feel like there is something wrong with me......I am gonna do a little damage control on my heart and think of things that make me feel better.

"Gather up your tears, keep em' in your pocket, save em' for a time when your really gonna need em' "


Sometimes I just wanna get plain mean and tell him that I hope his daughters never are treated the way he treats me!

I need a adult beverage

This needs to be fast because I still need to shower and get ready to go out for a friends birthday! I did have a good day at work today mainly because of a comment from a stranger. She complimented me on my eyes, which is always nice, and then asked me if I was married! I told her no and then she said she was surprised that no one has snagged me up because of how beautiful my eyes are. That right there made me blush!!! I don't think she was coming on to me, just being nice I guess. I hope she gets some good karma coming her way because she made my day!

.....What am I going to wear? It is so freaking cold that it is pointless to look semi cute when I have to put layers upon layers to keep from getting hypothermia. I just wish it would snow a couple of feet. Yes I said that and I am sure I will be eating my words soon enough!!!
Alrighty off to get ready! Don't wait up ;)

Under pressure

I have decided tonight that I am under quarantine. I am in such a lousy mood that just makes me want to scream/cry/punch someone. Why? Hmmm well cause I am a woman!!! I reserve the right to change my moods in a split second, and my mind. I also feel like I should be allowed to scream at whomever I want!!!!!!  Gosh I hate sounding mean. Hum, mood swing much?


Well I have to say last night got me thinking. I was talking with my bestie and she was talking about me, and how she gets to be my Maid of Honor when I get married. Well s#it! What if I never get married?? Well that kind of talk has come up before and has put my head in a spiral! It always gets me thinking about marriage and how far away from it I am. Then I feel like some sort of loser that doesn't know how to keep a relationship. Ah, love is totally not my forte'!


**Don't get me wrong, I know that people do things on their own time. Not all of us walk and talk at the same time. Hell, I learned to tie my shoes about the same time as my brother, and we are 6 years apart!   Any ways, I still feel a little behind in this type of situation. I have one friend that has been married numerous (more then 2) times, and she is younger then I.**


So then I get to thinking that I won't ever find someone to love. When I tell my bff that she entirely disagrees. Then says something that I can't stop thinking about. She told me I deserved to find love...... Well "f" don't hungry people deserve food? Didn't we all deserve something at one point that we just didn't get? Did we not work hard enough for it? How do I really know that I deserve it?? 



Brain overload now.....sheesh! what a Friday....

I hate to clean...

Who doesn't hate cleaning. I feel like my job is never done. I did some dishes today and then I decided to cook something so then I ended up with more dishes then before. It is just so frustrating at times. I need some serious motivation, or a maid. You may think that is absurd but I have been known to pay friends to clean! I could really write a book with the list of stuff that needs to be done here.

Ok, enough wallowing in my inability's. I finally figured out how to put music from my computer to my phone! That is an accomplishment, right? I know, I have had that phone for over a year, but hey!

I really miss my beautiful Christmas wreath that I had last year. Sadly, it was stolen. I have been searching for a silver wreath just like it but have had no luck.

Ugg.... I took a nap and now I feel like I slept the whole day away. :(  I hate that feeling. There is still some time left to get some stuff done, so I will think positively.

OMG it's December

Alright, who stole November? Where the hell did it go? Seems like just the other day it was the 1st of November. Now it is December and crunch time for Christmas shopping. Ugg...Yeah that's right I said it.

There is just so friggin much to do. I gotta get out the Christmas decorations, and do the whole tree thing, I still am going to make some sort of holiday goodies. I need to see what my wrapping paper from last year looks like, and if I need to buy more. I need to wrap some gifts and buy the rest. I also need to make sure the bills are paid and that I have enough money to get my children a Wii. Oy! I am exhausted just writing about it.

I am so dang indecisive to begin with and it gets so much worse during the holidays. Do I get this person this or that or something else. Would they like this, is it their size, should I be buying myself this and not be feeling guilty. Oh hell..... I'll figure it out somehow. I think tonight I will try to find the answers in the bottom of a Bud Light can! Sounds perfect right?

Whew....I still have time

I still have some time left. I am sorry this post is so late but I had a semi hectic day. I woke up to about 5 missed calls and 2 voice mails about coming into work early. My god people let me sleep in for a bit. Ha, j/k but it wasn't so bad.

 Now I get 2 days off in a row, to do what with? I have no clue. My best guess is clean and Christmas shop. I am feeling a little bit of nervousness with money but I know it will all be ok.

Not much to write really fast about. My son got an award for good effort at school, which makes me proud, of course. Then I raced to work today. Thats about it.

I feel a draft...

My stupid windows are so drafty! I am freezing in here. Now, I don't wanna do anything except lay down and snuggle up. I wouldn't mind seeing my "M.F." but I just don't feel like going anywhere. It sure is a lazy night.

These are a few pics from the parade of lights!

I am watching the Monday night football game, which is semi interesting. There are some of the old Steelers players playing which is fun to watch. I really wish that I had more to say but I really don't

Whoops...I'm a grinch

Why again is this the happiest time of the year? Is it all of the stress from crowded stores and the lines, and the grouchy people. I know it is all about the giving, don't get me wrong, but some people are just plain hard to shop for, and that stresses me out. I guess it is from years of working in a mall that has soured me a little.

Ok.....think positive, remember? I love making Christmas goodies. I love eating them too! Decorating the whole house and having all the lights off and just having the light from the tree is nice. I love all of the ornaments that I have from my childhood. I like some Christmas music, but it tends to get annoying after a while. I love the little things my kids make at school and their Christmas programs. Of course, I love spending time with family....if I even get the chance to.

Alright I am done ranting...........maybe, well for now, yes.

Losing my grip?

I had the strangest dream today. I dreamed that my fingers were cut off! I freaked out for sure. It was one of those dreams that just stick with you and was so real. I wonder what it means. Maybe I'm losing my grip on somethings? Who knows?

Tonight was the parade of lights! All of the lite up vehicles and the horses were awesome. The weather was a bit chilly, but we huddled up in our blankets with hot chocolate. Good times and great memories. I will post some of the pictures when I get the chance. Some pictures came out a little blurry but still ok.

Oh it just feels nice to put on a pair of pajama pants and kick back and relax! I haven't been home for more then 2 hours since Tuesday. It will feel nice to lay on my couch and just kick back. It's nice that the first part of the chaos is over. I actually got some of my Christmas shopping done! It feels good.

Another quickie

Ok, so this one is going to have to be a quick one, again. I have yet to sleep at my house in the last 2 days and probably won't tonight. Man oh man, was last night a trip or what. I spent an hour and a half in the freezing cold for stupid deals at toys r us. All to save a measly 10 bucks. Today was busy busy busy. Not the busiest but still. Ok gotta get going and get my relaxation on. Oh black Friday how I love that you are now another year away.

Stuff it!

So I am sitting at my mothers house and it is still chaotic with just the 4 of us. Go figure. I am in charge of the turkey today! I hope I don't screw it up.  I will also be in charge of a couple other dishes too.  We had a little late start this morning but I am thankful that I got to sleep in today :)


I was just thinking to myself yesterday that next Thanksgiving I will be 30.  That won't be so bad right ? Well who knows. But I figure this needs a little something, so with it being turkey day I thought it would be right for a thankful list.

I am thankful for......
 Family, duh, they really are tha bomb!
 Friends....another duh right there! They are also pretty amazing
 A roof over my head
 My job, even though it sucks sometimes, most of the time it is pretty decent
 The Pittsburgh Steelers.......of course
 My camera
 Life

I was thinking to myself a little earlier, and I found it funny that the day we focus on what we have in our lives is followed by the day we focus on what others don't have, and what they need. Just a little funny strange.



The house is full of yummy smells and black friday ads. It is almost a sensory overload. I like it. I am thankful for it.

Wacky Wednesday

Meh....thats how I feel today. I got a late start and I hate that feeling. Now I feel rushed and like I have so much to do and so little time. Today is day number 6 at work. Whew, I need a vacation already. It didn't help that I had a coffee catastrophe earlier. Coffee grounds teamed up against me and ruined a whole pot of coffee. That right there, ruins my day. Eeh. I just hate feeling stressed like this.....

Ok, breath......and have a good cup of coffee.

My cell phone hates me....

So I have been sitting here for the last 10 minutes trying to post something from my cellular device. It's not working that great. I just wanted to post a little something something before I go back to work. I don't get off until 10 so I wasn't quite sure if I would make it or not. I guess we will see.

Ok I made it in time. Well I kinda forgot until just now..... but I still made it before midnight!! ha ha!

Well not much to say. I am getting excited for Thanksgiving though!

Monday rant...

So the snow is nice to look at but not so nice to drive in! It took me about 10 minutes to go 2 blocks. We probably would have been better off walking to school but it was a balmy 7 degrees out! Then people continued to be a-holes to me. Um, hi! Please don't walk in the middle of the road while I fish tail through it, thanks. I just about got stuck in a couple of spots but I managed to truck on through. I am not looking forward to driving to work. Honestly the only thing I'm looking forward to is Thursday and Wednesday night..... Well I think the snow has stopped for now. I really don't want to get stuck. I need to invest in a 4wheel drive of some sort. I know the snow will grace us with its presence again. Its a love hate relationship with me and snow......

1 month 1 day

I can't think of other people when it comes to my passion. Does that make sense? What I mean is I can't think about how successful other people are at what I want to do. I just need to focus on myself. Am I being the best I can be at it? Who cares what someone else is doing, its time to focus on what I'm doing.....
I know this lesson might seem a little weird but it is something I need to work on. I tend to get discouraged easily and I feel like just concentrating on myself will help that.
 Oh the joys of being a women! Ha! My tendencies to over analyse every damn thing. The need to feel beautiful. No, nothing is simple in the world of being a women. Just like the weather, our moods can change at the speed of light. But you probably know that by now. It is frustrating at times. I don't feel like men have any sort of challenges like a woman, but hey, I have never had that experience so I can't judge. We all know that men think we are crazy, believe me I have the days that I think I am. I do, sometimes, think it would be much easier to be a man. But I would never change being a woman, I just embrace it.

"So take me as I am. This may mean you'll have to be a stronger man"


Mmmkay so the Steelers won today. *doin a dance* Any day my team wins is a good day for me. Today is the middle of my 6 days working in a row. Hoo wee!!

11 months to go!

Yes, there is only 11 months left of my 20's. I have to say this month has been pretty weird/crazy/i don't know. I think this next month will be crazier then the last tho. All of the holiday madness should be interesting. I have been so tired the last couple of days so I am not to sure how much I will be able to post. Gotta go to work soon. Money money money.....gotta go make me some.

Freakin Friday

I feel like a loser, because what sounds good right now is a nap and some trashy reality television. I am exhausted and I don't know why. Wait, maybe it was because I stayed up until 3am and woke up at 9am. I shouldn't feel obligated to paint the town red because it's Friday. I don't want to waste a perfectly good Friday night tho. I feel like if I go to sleep early I will miss out on something.
Today is the start of a busy busy week. Did I mention busy?? I have to map out my master Black Friday plans. I work every day until Thanksgiving day. I need to figure out what I'm going to cook. I am so indecisive about every freakin' thing! I hate that about myself and have no clue how to change it. Just do what I feel is right, right? Ha if I only had a dollar for how many times I did do that and I was wrong. Ha ha! I need to give myself more credit though. I don't do that very often.....

I am getting excited for Christmas shopping, which is surprising. Working in a mall usually makes me hate this time of year. I remember the one black Friday that I ventured out was crazy! People pushing and shoving like crazy. I guess the reason I am mostly excited about it, is because I actually have enough money to shop. I live paycheck to paycheck but I am doing better. I am working more, hence, making more and I like that. I like money.....sometime. 

Pajama party...

Yeah, its 648 at night and I am still in my pajamas. If thats not lazy I don't know what is. But I am recuperating from last nights birthday bash. It was a lot of fun. The birthday girl enjoyed herself so much she barfed. We danced the night away and took lots of shots and pictures.

I can't seem to do anything right today except for nothing. I haven't even attempted any sort of anything. I need to do laundry and dishes like no other. Do they sell motivation somewhere and I missed it? I need some in a serious way!

I did take a kind of cool picture last night of the dance floor. I will share....



Yeah I don't know. Not my best stuff but I think its different. I like different.

When I was your age!

It happened yesterday, and its probably happened before, but I used the phrase "When I was that age..." I immediately stopped in mid sentence.  I was like OMG. That phrase makes me feel old. I remember all of my older family members saying things like that. When did I become this older person?

Well tonight is a cold one. Last night the snow was so pretty! I was out side and I was mesmerized by it. I know that feeling will fade fast though. I almost felt like I was in a snow globe. I was right in the middle of embracing it and then I got a snow flake right directly into my pupil! That bastard snow flake. How dare it float all innocent like into my eyeball. **note to self ** close your eyes when looking up in a snow shower!

Well today is one of my friends 21st birthday and we are going out. I think all the times I have been blogging and then saying I'm going out, might make me sound like a bar fly. Tonight will be a good time tho. I never really got to enjoy my 21st beings I was pregnant, so I like to live vicariously through them. Ha!

Watch out for my moves!

I just feel like dancing today! I'm not sure why. Maybe its just the song I'm listening to.



Yeah, it just gets to me. It makes me wanna go out and dance. I think I watch too much dancing with the stars.....Lol. Well its been an interesting week so far. Have yet to sleep at my house. I still have a lot to get done, but when isn't there. I am convinced that I want to start doing Zumba. Its pretty cheap for 4 classes and the first one is free. I also have some people that would do it with me. All I know is that I need to work on my fitness, you're my witness. Ha ha! Well I gotta work tonight so I need to be getting ready but I will try to post something amazing later.
from my fingers to the keys to your eyes :)

just another manic Monday...

Surprisingly this is not getting old for me. It does stress me out to make sure that I write something and make sure to do it every day. I know I don't always have to be "on" or whatever, but I like being deep and profound. Ha! That just makes me laugh.
I am seriously itching for some creativeness! I am thinking about asking some of my friends to let me take pictures of them. I have a couple planned but I would like to get a better camera. I know I could do so much more with a better camera. I have a really good one now and I told myself that I wouldn't get a new one until I learned everything about this one that I could. It does get frustrating at times to learn about it because it is a lot to remember and lots of numbers and different things. Shutter speed, exposure time, lighting, f-stop, aperture settings. A lot of times I am just stuck in the auto mode on my camera and I hate that. I am just yearning for something super creative.

Okay, on to something else.....I need to get some stuff done today, as I do everyday, ha! Time to be motivated!!! Ok! Ready? Set! GO!!!!!!!!  

Ha didn't get much done cept' a little bit of gossip and chit chat with my mother. Work should be very very interesting tonight.....mixed feelings.

super quick

Ok so this is going to be super quick. Just got off work. Going to watch the game. Probably won't be home til later or tomorrow. I need a vacation. Work was drama.....blah blah blah.... see ya later alligator.

Oh who knows?

Hmm today has been a lazy day. I love lazy days but I think I have too many of them. Hell, its my day off and no kids, I should be semi lazy. But this house needs a little tlc. I should say apartment.
So I find myself at home on a Saturday night cooking a stew, sipping coffee, and watching Bridget Jones's Diary.
Wow I never thought that would be on my agenda. Yeah sure, I could go out. I still might go somewhere. But I've not been in the mood. Maybe a nice hot shower would help. Oh who have I become? LOL

Dare I say it but I actually enjoyed that movie. Eesh I guess that can be another guilty pleasure of mine. I also watched the Real house wives of somewhere today. I kinda liked that too. Oh man, I need to get out of the house more or, develop a non tv watching hobby.

Ok, I have decided to go out tonight. Seems like I got a little itch for some beer on the town.....

That thing I do

I usually will start my blogs early in the morning. Weather it be past midnight or after I run the kids to school. I can usually get a good head start on my thinking when the sun is not yet up. I continue to add more as the day goes by if possible. When I work late, however, I usually post first thing as I get home.

I do have a few topics I would like to cover in the next day or so. Not quite sure when it's all gonna flow out of my brain and to my finger tips.
I have come to learn that the later it is in the day the less my brain works. But I have all of tomorrow off and I'm stoked. Not too sure what is going on tonight, but I think I might have a decent time. My kids are off on a staying-at-grandma's adventure. So it's mommy time. I sure will miss them tomorrow though, we usually spend our Saturday's doing something fun. I guess it will be just me.

Lose yourself

I guess the thing that scares me the most is me losing who I am. I feel like this lack of creativity has made me a little paranoid. I guess maybe if I was more secure with myself I wouldn't even feel like that could ever happen. I need to work on that. I do think that being positive about certain things has helped. It helps me love myself more.

Everyone wants to be good at something. I never felt, for a long time, that I had any talents. I now know that if I just hone the skills of what I love doing, I can be talented in many things.
Needless to say I'm feeling out of my funk. Maybe it was pms, lol.....Who knows? Or maybe it was the baking of the cookies at 11 at night.

The weekend is near and I'm kind of excited for it. I'm feeling good about it. Really excited for next week also because a good friend turns 21!! I never really got to enjoy mine, so it's nice to see someone else have fun.

It's off in the distance

It's off in the distance
Originally uploaded by number1joyce

If this isn't exactly how I feel I don't know what is.

Hair pulling day!

Oh man I am having one of those days. The type where you just wanna pull your hair out! The kind of day that you have crying whining screaming children that won't quit. The type where you have to control your patience so that you don't scream. I feel guilty saying all of that but I know we all have our days. I'm not a perfect parent but I try to be a good one. I guess I am my worst critic on that issue, or all of mine.
I was really thinking lately about how I feel that I'm lacking in some areas. I feel like I am seriously lacking in the creativity area and I need a way to tap into it. Then I get hard on myself. I know that even the best photographers don't take amazing pictures with every click of the shutter. But lately its been hard. I use to tell myself that I want to learn something new everyday. As I was feeling down on myself a little today I was thinking. You can't force yourself to learn something new everyday right? Hmm well right there is something new that I learned. Maybe its not true tho. I think if I tried hard enough and gave it my all I really could. And I should!

Plain White T's - Rhythm Of Love

I just can't seem to get this song out of my head. I have played it at least 10 times in the last day. Just one of those feel good songs that I love.

Cutting it close

Woah, I feel like I'm cutting this one a little close here. Who can blame me though, really. I get off work and have tons of things to do. Gotta get the kids all settled for bed, gotta make sure there are clothes clean for them in the morning. I usually clean, or try to, before I sit down and relax. I put them in pajamas and tuck them in. Which some days takes forever. Oh the joys of parenting.

The first snowfall of the season happened today. I was dreading it but when I saw my son trying to catch a snowflake on his tongue it excited me. I took them sledding last year and I am pretty sure I'm the one who had the most fun!

I do honestly feel like I'm lacking in the creativity lately. I don't know what to do about that. I need some inspiration.

Chaos

Is this really South Dakota in November? Ok, it's 73 degrees outside and it still has yet to snow. Gosh I hope I didn't jinx it. It really has be beautiful out! I feel kind of guilty for not getting out and taking pictures.

Today was a busy and chaotic day for me. I took my son to the dermatologist to find out that he might have psoriasis. The poor kid, they had to do a skin biopsy and make sure. He now has two stitches and 3 prescription medications!

Well I was excited for today, last night, now not so much. I have no one to watch Monday night football with. Plans fell through or something. I guess I'm just in a mood to feel sorry for myself, and I hate that. I still get to watch the game. Maybe I will go buy myself a beer before the game starts.

I just hate the feeling that the weight of the world is on my shoulders. I think its just my raging hormones!! Yay, I love being a woman.

Movie night

Worked today...I'm really not in the mood for anything. I have a stomach ache from all the popcorn and soda I drank at the movies. I went to Megamind 3D. It was really cute. It was the first 3D movie for my children and it was a little bit tough because Logan just recently got his glasses. It's also hard for him to sit and pay attention for longer then 30 minutes. I am excited for tomorrow because I have the day off and.............MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL. I need to find someone to tag along. Maybe I don't. I could go and watch it by myself but that might be a little weird. blah blah blah blah blah...........I really don't know what else to say.

Strip Me....Natasha Bedingfield lyrics

Everyday I fight for 
All my future somethings 
A thousand little wars 
I have to choose between 
I could spend a lifetime 
Earning things that I don't need 
But that's like chasing rainbows 
And coming home empty 
And if you strip me, 
Strip it all away 
If you strip me, 
What would you find 
If you strip me, 
Strip it all away 
Ill be alright 

Take what you want 
Steal my pride 
Build me up 
Or cut me down to size 
Shut me out 
But I'll just scream 
Im only one voice in a million 
but you aint taking that from me 
Oh oh no you aint taking that from me 

I dont need a microphone, yeah, 
To say what I been thinking 
My heart is like a loudspeaker 
Thats always on eleven 
And if you strip me, 
Strip it all away 
If you strip me, 
What would you find 



If you strip me, 
Strip it all away 
I'm still the same 

Take what you want 
Steal my pride 
Build me up 
Or cut me down to size 
Shut me out 
But I'll just scream 
Im only one voice in a million 
but you aint taking that from me 
Oh oh no you aint taking that from me 

'cuz when it all boils down 
At the end of the day 
It's what you do and say 
That makes you who you are 
Makes you think about it, 
Think about it 
Doesn't it 
Sometimes all it takes is one voice 

Take what you want 
Steal my pride 
Build me up 
Or cut me down to size 
Shut me out 
But I'll just scream 
Im only one voice in a million 
but you aint taking that from me 
Oh oh no you aint taking that from me


[ From: http://www.metrolyrics.com/strip-me-lyrics-natasha-bedingfield.html ]

Undecided Title.

So it's Saturday night and I just got off work. I now will probably do nothing but kick back and relax. Or kick back and think about things. I am so good at driving myself crazy. Over thinking is my forte. I suppose all women are good at that. I really don't know what to say about things that have been going on the last couple of days. I am so confused. I guess I just will have faith that everything will work out on its own. I find it weird when people pop back into your life.

Caught off guard

Well holy mole.....that's about all I can say right now. I am in utter shock! I am literally sitting here and shaking. I don't know what I should do or say. Now I have a knot in my stomach. Its really not a big deal I guess. This sort of thing happens to lots of girls I suppose, but never me. I guess I don't really know the intent of this shocking phone call.

Ok, I will elaborate a little more. My ex, from about 8 months ago, called me out of the blue. He wants to talk and I'm not to sure how I feel about it. I am in somewhat of a new relationship and I don't know what to think, or do. I do like the new guy but I have seen a few red flags. I just have such a strong attraction/lust for him and it blinds me.(the new guy)....The ex hurt me pretty bad in the past and lied about something very important. I don't know what he wants to talk about. There has been little to no contact since I told him I couldn't be with him anymore.

I guess I will just sit here a while and listen to some music and wait for the answer.....

I just hate the feeling of being so lost. I thought I had a grip on where I was and where I am going.
I will probably post more later, if not I will fill ya in tomorrow.